This is the last post on forgiveness, at least for now. I want to address one more issue – forgiving yourself. Let me start by sharing a scripture that points out the problem with unforgiveness. Matthew 18:21-35 is the story of the man who had been forgiven by his master, but turned around and refused to forgive a smaller debt from one of his fellow servants. I’m going to deal specifically with verse 18:34. The man refused to forgive, and was turned over to the tormentors. One of the worst effects of unforgiveness is that the person who never learns how to forgive others (or himself) is tormented. I once held a young lady in my arms who had been abused sexually by her step-father. She was sobbing and saying, “I’ll never forgive him.” I explained to her that SHE was the one seeing a psychiatrist, SHE was the one on medication, SHE was the one having blackouts. I told her that holding that man in unforgiveness wasn’t hurting him one bit. Someone who would do something like that doesn’t care about anyone but themselves anyway. They are, at the very least, selfish and unfeeling, at the worst, a sociopath. I explained that she wasn’t “punishing” him in any way, because he’ll just skip down the road and find his next victim. However, she was being tormented by her unforgiveness, unable to move on with her life. I told her the things I’ve shared with all of you. To forgive is not saying ‘what you did to me doesn’t matter’. It’s saying: “What you did to me was wrong and horrible, and I forgive you. I no longer hold onto the rage and anger. I give that to God”. Then begin to pray for the very person who wronged you. Keep at it until there comes a healing in your heart. She couldn’t grasp that, and refused to forgive the man, and to my knowledge, is still a mess today.
The same thing holds true for you. If you hold on to things that you have done wrong and never forgive yourself, you will be tormented. Unforgiveness will turn into self-hate. You will be full of anger towards yourself and guess what? There are no benefits for the people around you. Why? Because you can only give out what you possess inside. If you are full of anger, hatred and bitterness towards yourself, that’s what you have to give to those around you that you profess to love.
You may ask, “How? How do I forgive myself? I did horrible things”! You first go to God and confess those “horrible things”. Then you ask His forgiveness. By faith, you receive it and thank Him for it. According to I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. By faith, you thank Him for not only forgiving you, but CLEANSING you from all wrong doing. Thank Him for it daily. You also confess any anger and bitterness or hatred that you have been holding against yourself. This too, is sin. Thank Him for forgiving you and cleansing you of these also. Then, let it go Louie. Holding on to it serves no good purpose except to make you and everyone around you miserable. Flood yourself with God’s word concerning forgiveness, to break down every stronghold in your life in this area. Then: GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE! Amen. Stay close to His heart. Love to all. Denise
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In my counselling practise I met so many people who just wanted to stay attached to their anger – they felt it gave them a focus and a reason for living. It is so sad that they cannot see the Light of God in other people, because they cannot see it in themselves.
I say to people ‘think of forgiving like an onion’. It doesn’t usually happen instantly, we have to do it a layer at a time. And we have to keep doing it. I am told the heart of an onion is usually the sweetest place?
Love & Peace
Ama
Love this Denise. Easy to believe God forgives others, sometimes hard to believe it for ourselves.I love that” you can only give out what you possess”….Thanks.
Great message….
Awesome again…thank you..keep up the good work…Love ya..Linda